Month: February 2017

Sex Secret – Connection

Sex Secret Connection

Both men and women tell me they haven’t had sex or made love with their spouse for 6 moths, 12 months, 2 years, 5 years…sex secret connection kissing couple

It is so sad that people who love each other and have a wonderful sex life and then something happens and it’s gone. Something kills the desire and after awhile you could feel that you don’t “need” sex or love making.

How did you reconnect and reignite that desire for your lover?

  • Go back to the beginning of relationship and talk about it.   What attracted you to your partner when you first met them? Tell them. And ask them what first attracted them to you? Talk about your first date, your first kiss, your first lovemaking. What was special?
    Why you still together?
    Rekindle that spark of love that grew into a fire and kept burning for so many years. If your children are grown up and left you need to rediscover your partner.
    Everyone goes through changes. In teenagers, testosterone and progesterone hormones are strong stimulants, however as we mature they change many peoples’ desires. And in some couples one person, usually the man, maintains a strong need for release from sexual tension.
    Women’s desires often decrease after childbirth and child care because they put so much time into mothering and nurturing.
    So how to rekindle the passion and connect with your lover?
  • Plan a date night, flirt with each other by text or phone or love notes (under her pillow, in his pocket). Give surprise gifts for no occasion.
  • Plan a “dirty weekend” away. Ask her what would she need to happen to make  love? Ask him to give you a gentle massage. Tell him how you really like to be touched, kissed, licked and stroked. Tell her and show her how you like to be stroked on your lingam – fast or slow, gentle or firm, the special sensitive spots…
  • Have some lessons in cunnilingus or Tantra or massage together.
  • Role play or dress up in a costume for your lover. Imagine you are Casanova or Marilyn Munro; Cleopatra and Antony; or porn stars – John Holmes, Debbie Does Dallas! What do you imagine they would say or do to their beloved? Talk about it with your lover. Ask if they want to do it. Ask if it turns them on more to talk about it, look at it, plan it, or to do it?!
  • Give your genitals names. Then they can have a discussion. Using this analogy of a different identity can help you express things that you wouldn’t normally say. Ask her what she wants. Ask him what are you would like to do. The answers often surprise you!

When you reconnect and reawaken that desire for your beloved – you do it deliberately. And when you do you say to each other “I’d forgotten how good it was to have sex and make love!”

That is the sex secret connection!

sex secret connection couple space

How to love your self

How do you LOVE your self? a Valentines Day special post

How do you love your self? If you already do, how do you love yourself more? Here are some ideas to enhance your love, or to refine it.

love your self with tantra massage by Ally
LOVE
  1. Say “I love you” to yourself in the mirror. Say “I am beautiful” or “I am handsome” until you mean it, until you can FEEL you are beautiful and handsome. If you don’t know how it feels, imagine how someone you think is beautiful and handsome would feel, and feel that way, then make the feeling stronger.
  2. Think of a body part you are ashamed of, or a scar, or something about yourself you feel negative about. Imagine how you would feel about someone else who has that thing. Feel the compassion you would feel for that person and transfer it to feeling the same amount of compassion for your self.
  3. Be grateful for the body you have. It’s not perfect. It may not work how it used to several years ago, or it may work differently. I have a friend who is paralysed from the neck downwards, and when I think of him, I am very grateful for my freedom of movement, being able to walk, dance, scratch myself, and enjoy life fully
  4. Feel the fear and do it anyway.
  5. Compassion exercise from Avatar:
  6. Spoil yourself like a seven year old child. What did you love doing when you were a kid? What did you want to do that you could then, that you can now? Treat yourself to an icecream, go for a walk in the park, go fishing, read a book out loud.
  7. Change your self talk. When you look in the mirror, be aware and listen to what you say to your self. Listen to yourself and if you hear the negative words in your head, shut your eyes. Think of the opposite – love your breasts, chest, body shape, scars and bruises, lumps and bumps, hairiness or lack of hair. Now change your judgement from “too big/small” to “the right size and shape for me”. My girlfriend used to say “I may have small breasts, but I have racy nipples!” Then open your eyes and see your beauty, your possibilities, your radiance reflected there.

Song

I love myself the way I am,

There’s nothing I need to change.

I’ll always be the perfect me,

There’s nothing to rearrange.

I’m beautiful and capable,

Of being the best me I can,

And I love myself just the way I am.